By Edward H. Garcia
Demographers tell us that old folks are the fastest growing segment of the population, so if you don’t have one of your own now, you probably will in the next few years. If you haven’t been around old people or have avoided them because they creep you out (you don’t want to look closely at my toenails), it would be prudent to get yourself up to speed on their care and feeding. It’s a complicated subject, worth a lifetime of study, but these are some basic guidelines to get you started.
1. Remember that being hard of hearing is not the same as being simple or stupid. It’s okay to talk a little louder or to make an effort to speak more distinctly, but shouting accompanied by broad gestures will just irritate them. And be aware that they might be pretending not to hear you because they just aren’t interested in what you have to say.
2. Do not refer to them as “young lady” or “young man.” They know they aren’t young, and they know you know they aren’t young. You are not ingratiating yourself to them. You are just irritating them. In fact, this practice should be in the dictionary to illustrate “condescend.”
3. On the other hand, it is always appropriate to tell a person they don’t look their age. Be careful not to lay it on too thick. Guessing their ages more than 5 years younger than their actual age might lead them to question your sincerity.
4. Avoid the formulation “_____ years young.” I’ve never heard an old person say that about themselves. It would be okay to say that someone was “six years young” or even “23 years young,” but “80 years young” just won’t wash.
5. Don’t assume your old person isn’t interested in everything you are, including intimacy. When an old couple walks down the street holding hands and stopping from time to time to kiss passionately and you’re embarrassed, get over it. They might not be quite what they once were, but don’t consign them to the rocking chair until they tell you they’re ready.
Your old person knows you don’t mean to dismiss them or condescend to them. You just haven’t stopped to think how it feels to them. Luckily, there are some things you can safely and respectfully do.
Give them respect, attention, regard. Enjoy them. You might be surprised that your old person actually has a sense of humor and might have experienced something first hand that you have only read about.
Most of all, use them. Don’t discount what they know and what they know how to do. They have spent their whole lives learning about life and developing a certain amount of wisdom. Don’t let the fact that they’ve retired or have to heave themselves out of a chair make you forget that.
